Bring Me the Head of Jaka Sembung

There are certain movies that demand space and time retention. The kind that bully their way into your head and cozy up beside the warmth of your brain, intent on squatting there in your memory for eternity. And for whatever reason, personal to you or not, whether you want it to or not, the event, the experience, the film - that memory will be with you forever. Well folks, The Warrior starring Barry Prima ain’t one of those movies, but kiss the kids and cancel Christmas if you don’t have a friggin’ blast watching this movie.

This movie threw me back twenty five years, back to Saturdays when Scooby Doo and Super Friends were the shit and the only thing that kicked more ass was the Saturday Matinee Movie. Your one stop shop for the veritable potpourri of ninjas or zombies or samurais or whatever the hell else low budget over dubbed shiteola was thrown at ya’. The kind that made you rub your eyes in disbelief or sent grape juice spewing through your nose and onto the shag carpet. And all were just brimming with awfulness, but not unlike a Waterworld or a near roadside fatality, you couldn't take your eyes off of them. Well, this movie is that movie - the Saturday Matinee Movie. And it’s brimming with awfulness. And yes, I loved all 94 minutes of it. Well, actually it's 84 out of the 94 minutes. But who's counting?

The Warrior, made back in 1981 in Indonesia, stars Barry Prima as Jaka Sembung (aka the Warrior). The reason we know he is called the Warrior, other than the fact that the DVD case tells us so, is that in the first scene of the movie he announces this to a lieutenant of the Dutch army/government that are oppressing the Indonesian people after his and many of his peoples capture. He states “My name is Jaka Sembung, but your people know me as the Warrior.” And then for the rest of the movie, no one calls him the Warrior.

Look out! SPOILERS ahead! And if you're afraid of spoilers from a 1981 Indonesian magical martial arts film, well...then...um - anyway...

The story starts there where the Dutch are occupying Indonesia and the army compound is run by Captain Van Shramm who bears a frightening resemblance to Fred Armisen from SNL in bad make up.

After the captured Indonesian people escape during the long opening credits scene, led by none other than the Warrior, Van Shramm then hires a fire breathing/warrior/bounty hunter/overall son of a bitch named Kobar to find and kill the Warrior. And Kobar, being the keen hunter that he is, locates the Warrior by fucking knocking on his front door. After a quick fight scene involving fire, gymkata and bamboo, Kobar gets his one way ticket to harpland. One down. The Dutch to go.

Van Shramm, angered by the Warrior’s complete disregard for life by killing the guy he sent to kill him, calls upon an old mage for council. Here’s the game plan: resurrect the headless dead body of Kieten to help capture the Warrior, since they are sworn enemies. And let me tell you, once Kieten's floating head is reattached to his body, he’s like Zod in Superman 2. He’s a one man wrecking ball.

He beats the Warrior to an inch of his death, locks him up in Van Shramm’s prison where they nail spikes through his hands into the stone walls, Jesus style, then gouge out his eyes. And it only gets crazier from there.
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From an actual film standpoint, The Warrior is really quite bad. The acting is ridiculously over the top. The effects are weak and the cinematography is very 70/80’s zoom-fabulous. Now that being said, from a B-movie about witchcraft and black magic versus mystical martial arts standpoint…this movie kicks more ass than Joe Don Baker in Mitchell. And that’s saying something. Examples? Thought you’d never ask…

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It has the really good dubbed voice actors. And by good, I mean good, like What’s Up Tiger Lily? good. When the fire breathing/warrior/bastard Kobar kicks the maniacal laughter, he sounds like the Tattle Tale Strangler from Sponge Bob. And if you love fight scenes with no actual regard for gravity, physics or medical science, well friends then The Warrior should move up quickly to the top of your Amazon wish list or Netflix que.

There's even a scene in the final clash between Kieten and the Warrior that is the straight version of the scene with the Black Knight from The Holy Grail. I shit you not.

"Your leg's off!" " No it isn't."

But the best is the star of this unholy masterpiece Barry Prima. Barry fucking Prima. Words cannot describe the awesomeness. He's basically an ass kicking savior. Like Jesus, with a slightly above average roundhouse. Seriously. You just have to experience it.

The technical side of the movie is that the transfer of the film to DVD is quite clean, sans the few green and yellow splashes through the print from time to time that are barely noticeable. Apparently, the original negative was stored in crazy, horrendous conditions, possibly like a wet cave or under an open fire. The film actually starts with a disclaimer that states that the negative was damaged and certain parts of the film were unable to be cleaned up. Personally, I thought that was really cool. It at least shows that this company cares enough to make sure that we know they didn't just rebox some crapass VHS version of the film and call it a transfer. And considering all the problems, surprisingly the colors really pop - which is almost kinda weird being that every memory I have of these films involved a faded, crackly, spliced up pan and scan print. But I got quickly over it.
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So, if you're not already sold on this film, then I guess these types of flicks are just not up your alley. And if that's the case, steer far, far away from this film. Now if you are forced to watch, then please do so through the reflection of your shield so as not to turn to stone. But if you're like me, where just the thought of headless ressurection, multiple magical limb and body part amputation/gouging and reattachment, extreme unneccesary martial art posing, magical floating body parts, slicing an eagle in half and quite possibly four of the greatest fight scenes in the history of cinema including one with a bull brings forth a smile or a laugh or even a raised glass, then make it so Number 1. Get your ass to watching this movie. Or Kobar will be pissed.