Superhero Soft core Double Feature

Superhero films are all the rage right now in Hollywood. If you have had a comic book published anytime in the past century (which would be like every comic book ever printed) then you have a shot of getting a movie deal. With that kind of popularity you can be sure that on the movie’s coat tails there will be Videogames, T-Shirts, Toys, Stickers, Valentines Day cards, Toothpaste and of course a porn version of the film… In this case BATBABE: THE DARK NIGHTIE

It's her city...your just screwing in it

All the porno in Bacchum City has been stolen, ALL OF IT. From triple X hardcore, Midget films, Fifty and over movies down to sports magazine swimsuit issues. An impossible feat you might say, but not for THE JERKER. The masturbating marauder and his horny cronies have lifted every piece of pornographic material in the city and plan to keep it all in hiding for thirty days creating a sexual frustration throughout all of Bacchum so great that when he finally returns the masturbatory materials it will cause a mass circle jerk of destruction. Madness!

What a jerkoff...

Wendy Wayne is a stripper in a local club who is really raking it in since the disappearance of all of Bacchum’s porn. Patrons flood the club every night to see the only form of sexual entertainment the Jerker couldn’t steal (though given enough time I’m sure he would think of something)

hoochie-mama

Batbabe is summoned by Commissioner Boredom who has been plagued by phone calls from the citizens of Bacchum City, all calling for help, all desperate with tears streaming down stubble ridden faces, all with the same cry, “When is the porn coming back to Bacchum City?!” He knows Batbabe works above the law (not unlike a certain Steven Segal) but the commish doesn’t care, he just wants his phone to stop ringing and get back to his office napping and doughnut consumption.

After few run-ins with the Jerker and his henchmen, Batbabe is faced with a crisis. The Jerker makes an announcement on the big screens of Times Square threatening to destroy the porn and bring chaos down on Bacchum City unless Batbabe retires. She decides to give in to the villain’s demands until an inspirational speech by her confidante the strip club owner brings Wendy Wayne back to her senses and Batabe is back from retirement in a record 2 minutes. So after a trip to the gym for a work out and a bout of girl on girl sex with a random stranger, Batbabe is back on the clock! Watch out Jerker your time has come! Eeeeewwww…

There were more than enough gags based on the Bat franchise flying around to keep actual bat fans laughing. Comments about Batbabe’s overly scratchy voice from everyone she encounters. A cameo from THROBBIN, Batbabe’s ex-partner, who apparently is a large African American man with a towel for a cape and a paper circle with an “R” drawn on with a sharpie and taped to his chest. Not exactly a Chris O’Donnel look alike but hey go with it… There’s even an appearance by another villain MR. SLEAZE complete with “Ah-nuld” vocals.

Batbabe and Mr. Sleaze get sleazy

Darian Caine is every fanboy’s fantasy in Batbabe. She’s smokin’ hot, shows good comic timing and throws a mean right cross. What more can you ask for.

Now that we have covered the erotica version of DC Comics blockbuster of 2008 Let’s check in with Marvel and IRON BABE

ummm...who me? gulp!

Horny Fark of Fark Technologies is your typical capitalist sex toy inventor who while demonstrating her new line of toys of tomorrow, is attacked and taken by a terrorist organization known as the PCTN (Politically Correct Terrorist Network) She awakens and learns she was near death with shrapnel near her heart until her podiatrist cell mate performed an operation inserting an extremely powerful electro magnet in her vagina… to keep the…shrapnel. Yeah, pretty stupid but oh so funny.

After Fark recovers from her injuries the terrorists demand she makes them a giant robotic sex doll in twenty four hours, she agrees but first finds time to unwind with a little girl on girl with her cell mate and afterwards secretly makes herself a suit of bullet proof…cardboard…armor, here we go again. Horny Fark escapes her captors and heads back to the United States. Much to the disappointment to her VP OBGYN Stain who had all but taken over Fark Industries with her own brand of sex toy inventions.

So after several more random soft core sex scenes, Horny Fark with the help of her trusted pal Bumper Boobs, builds a new armor suit. No not out of cardboard stupid, SPANDEX! But this time with added kick ass weaponry, laser boobs, a vagina blaster and bullet proof buns.

Buns of Steel baby!

Now with her new armor IRON BABE flies off to battle the terrorists and their leader who is actually SPOILER ALERT! Fark Industries VP OBGYN Stain!!! Who fashioned her own version of the Iron babe armor with the remnants from the cardboard armor Fark used to escape the terrorists earlier…God this film is so multi facited. Anyway IRON BABE defeats her VP and the terrorists and gets back to Fark Industries announcing to the world the SHE IS IRON BABE !

The following is my favorite sequence from the movie IRONBABE -

Maybe it's because I'm writing this at 4am

I’m not going to get into the direction, editing and the not so special effects of these movies. That would be like beating up a five year old, and you know that’s not even the point. These films are as cheesy as whatever food you can think of that has lots and lots of cheese in it, seriously, but the girls are gorgeous and the puns are rapid and that’s why we watch. Definitely recommended viewing in college dorm rooms everywhere.